I’ve always been a challenge seeker. I think there’s something really rewarding about doing something difficult where you have to really push yourself to get to the other side. Whether it’s a strenuous hike, trying to make the Olympics, or working as an engineer at early stage startups, there’s something about how I think that allows me to see the value in all of these experiences.

I think a large part of it has to do with the story I want to have about myself. I want to know that I took advantage of life, and from my perspective taking the harder path leads to more meaningful experiences. Another part of it is a sometimes delusional belief that I’ll be fine. I see those moments of hard struggle, as all being in service of being a better version of myself, and anchoring on the idea that “everything will be ok”.

My journey as a competitive wrestler had a huge part in shaping this mindset for me. Any competitive sport is a constant process of evolving and getting ‘1% better’ every day. However, in order to get that 1% better, you often have to do something different than what you’ve already been doing. Ideally it’s something that will get you to think and behave differently when you are put in a similar situation in the future, and this kind of growth often sucks when you’re doing it. You’re stepping away from what you’re used to, your comfort zone, and that’s a scary place to be in.

But the only way to ever achieve real improvement is by finding a way to ‘Embrace the suck’. This phrase is something that I learned during my time wrestling, and was a way to frame the grueling physical and mental training wrestlers regularly go through. Once you’re able to shift your perspective to see the value in the challenging task ahead, it becomes a bit easier to process and be patient with yourself as you’re going through it. You learn that once you’re out the other end of this tunnel, you’ll be able to look back at the journey and celebrate all you did to get here. Whether that’s completing an extremely difficult task at work, or executing a technique you’ve been spending hours trying to add to your arsenal, there’s always a moment of euphoric delight that is hard to experience unless you had to work hard to get there.

A big reason why I wanted to write this down was to also reflect on times where this approach wasn't beneficial to me. Sometimes the delusion has led me to believe every challenging experience must be good for me, but this is definitely not true. There have been a few times where I’ve had to rely on those close to me to help me see that the struggles I was currently going through were actually having a negative impact on my mental or physical health. Because of those times I learned that given that I’m already someone that puts pressure on myself to achieve the best outcomes, it’s actually unhealthy for me to be in an environment where a lot of additional external pressure is being applied on me.

However, when done right, embracing the suck is a philosophy that is core to who I am today. It has led me to experience many meaningful times in my life where I felt growth at my core. These moments have stacked on each other to make me who I am today, and I’m ready to continue to make that stack higher.